MOTHER NATURE CANNOT BE FOOLED

NEWS and Blues.

2011-01-31T01:52:00.010-05:00

Everyday I wake up feeling as though I'm going to choke because so soon as I post about my inability to see one of the most influential bands of my life, the Edge (the only local radio station I listen to) announces that at the Toronto chain of Edgefest '11, A Perfect Circle will be performing. It took me about a week to digest, which is why I'm actually a bit late in announcing this, but despite that, my enthusiasm is still bursting with feverish disbelief and I look up at the sky each day attempting to discover a thing to thank and I sometimes selfishly coil in myself and attribute it to my positive thinking. The rest of the world might be looking for resolve, but here is mine: July 9th, Downsview Park.

I'd write more about that, but I've so recently spilled my intestines about my passion for that band and even more recently dispelled my writing ability for the week on my separate blog that for right now, this is enough. The Edge remains as the best radio station and handing me my life so plainly allows me to believe that better things can and do happen.

Differently; as a matter of fact, opposingly, I went to my friend's show last night and good lord have I never been more depressed about music. If not for APC being just down the street in some months, I'd probably be diving down into a hole with electricity and my ipod so that I might escape the cartoon-ish bullshit that these preteen girls are dishing out. Okay, so 16. This, accompanied with little talent, still does not validate the abrupt disappointment I heard while I was there. For the record, the band I went to see performed well, and the band which followed, the same still. The three bands following those had me laughing and then weeping and then running. I'll explain.

Laughing Avril.

The first performance after the two decent ones had me clutching my stomach in horrible amusement. I witnessed a girl, dressed like Avril Lavigne circa 2002, without the edge or coolness. And I mean, despite Avril being pretty lame then and now (and yet how I loved her so), she was climbing mountains while this girl was stumbling over rocks. She sang emotional songs, and while not completely lacking in talent, debilitated me with her angst-ridden versions of something I'd already heard before. They closed their set with a cover of M.I.A's Paper Planes, which left my two friend's and I rushing for the door until its end.

Weeping Underwood.

To my surprise, the next act looked little like the first in style, but nearly identical in form. Shorter-than-average boy on drums, with kids swinging around guitars - actually, they weren't very animated - and some girl walking awkwardly to the microphone in order to give, what she had hoped to be, a stunning performance. After having such a good laugh at the earlier performance, my friends and I decided to take another peek from front row, only to discover ourselves nearly epileptic from the gross lighting. And as if her originals weren't tragic enough, she proceeded to desecrate The Northern by Alexisonfire.
...

Now, I'd discuss that, but I spent the happy bulk of the song plugging my ears with my ipod until its sweet end. As my friends recognized the completion of the song coming, we decided to step back out into the event (from a quiet corner in the back beside an ATM) and cursed her for attempting it. With that burned and their announcement of the end of the set, we celebrated until of course she punished us for damning her by handing us her exhausting rendition of Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns and Roses. Before I could let out my my sailor's tongue, we rode the back of the floor to the exit and waited for the music to end while we couldn't hear her voice (much).

Enough of her and the destruction of a great band's music (which I greatly question her knowledge of, considering her blasphemous attempt at singing it with her mediocre voice and sounding as though she more for her own fame than the music she was singing). I mean really, I've seen this performed live, though not with the original members who pieced it, and having to hear this weird and psychotic girl wailing on a classic had me bleeding from the ears and coughing foam. But onward to the final disgrace:

Fleeing from Trash.

I understand that perhaps my language (well, I've been more slanderous, so I suppose not, but in any case) is a bit crude in calling the next performance trash, however I am willing to have a discussion with a person who saw this ridiculous excretion to disagree and even engage me in their valid, and not preteen, opinion. Girl, terribly unkept, terribly dressed, terrible hair, approached the microphone. She, alongside little boys have decided they are going to perform. I can't remember much because I was reeling with disgust over her tragic version of what could have been justified by Cherie Currie's negligence in the 70s (t-shirt turned to one-piece?) and matching dollar store boots, but what I do remember is thinking this: 'What is going on with music these days that makes this a valuable addition to the music industry. How, in the name of all that is good, did this scantily clad, profane, nonsense-blasting, overwhelming source of the pathetic death of all that is humane, happen to slip by and make its way down the line all the way into a venue in Toronto?'

It occurs to me now that whatever it was, it was not produced by anything relating to 'good' and more than that, she turned wannabe and rock princess into celebrities I was suddenly willing to hang onto. The world was clearly turning upside down; she couldn't sing, and more than that, she wasn't able to play it off as though she was able to sing. She was my lack of faith, standing there, camel-toe in view, arranging for the funeral; the widow who kills her sweet husband Apollo in order to destroy the world. We left almost as soon as it began; the event was over for us. We tried to make it our money's worth, but truly, we were left with nothing more than nothing. What value in entertainment we'd gathered from earlier performances had turned itself negative and plummeted exponentially. I walked for 10 minutes in the cold to burn off the steam of strange anger. In that walk though, I was reminded that Apollo is undying and so then are his gifts to the world. Faith restored.

And yet to watch some little girl being praised for her mediocrity and then another worshiped for performing a massacre of music and then a new other stumbling around the stage, talking-singing in the wrong pitch and meter to a deadly horrid band awkwardly placed behind her.. I could have killed on that evening. Saturday, as it were.

Moral of today's lesson? If you wish to be a star, then yes, roll around in your poor excuses for music and beg your followers to keep listening, for you will be the one speaking so loudly that no one will hear you. However, if your desire is to be a musician, to be proud in what you do, to have the respect and not simply the approval of the industry leaders making the decisions, you must indulge in your passions and create a sound that demands appropriate attention. So simple it is to say that each may have their own and all is well so long as those who are in it are swell, but frankly, in an industry like the one we have, being a mediocre swab doesn't allow for longevity, especially when you've nothing of value to say.

If then, you do not wish to create a sound that is unique and interesting, if you do not wish to evoke your rooted spirit from the earth are expel your array of colour and cryptic waves of sound onto the people there upon it, then casually, quietly, quit. Leave us alone. We neither want you nor need you. This generation needs no more music of this caliber; we can rely on the unexploited sounds of the earlier periods until someone finally decides to take their inspiration from something more than Avril Lavigne, Paramore, Lady Gaga and things so recently done. That is not to say that these artists lack value, but instead that they are still lingering scents in their varying degrees that youth are attempting to overpower by doing a second-rate vanilla version of the same damn thing. Instead, draw from something older, more rooted. Something that we consider familiar instead of a gross mixture of sensory overload and burned nasal passage. One girl and a group of guys forming a band has been exhausting since the 70s. More than sleepiness, it is so rarely done well that all these attempts at fame and brilliance are truly mistaken for insults. Nothing is left if all you wish to draw from is the present.

Let your histories guide you.

`Grey.

A perfect circle will remain so.

2010-12-27T03:23:00.002-05:00

This band is a compromising sin I can't bear to apologize for. While I question my nerve and my sanity, it questions other things, suggests my humanity to me, opens my logic, demands answers. I wonder gravely how long I can go without them, since I know that I need them most when I can no longer stand; when I can't bother to crawl out of bed. Usually around now, in December, when everyone is just as cold as I am, simply for sake of expectation.

It's surprising when I hear Keenan cooing at me this way, coaxing me into a better morning, better afternoon, better evening, and at some point something will change in my mind and I'll recall the warning signs. The simple complexity of sound is enveloped in this man. His quiet grip slithers softly over my throat, choking me into musical submission. I will understand. I must.

And so it is equally as painful as it is beautiful each time. I fear listening immediately before I do and then upon hearing, I cannot help myself. I listen for days, sometimes weeks, before I take up another band or sound. I meditate to his nuances and though I know it is a band -- cohesively, together -- this voice is often what drags me under. I am temperamental alongside the right tone of speech and at times I merely dream of his voice; grey colours and his voice and it keeps me in my sleep. In the real world, the sound is not so vibrant as in sleep.

I have never seen this band live, and some part of me doubts I ever will. Should they reunite and come nearby, I will go of course, however, I cannot anticipate anything. I hate so much to be disappointed.

A Perfect Circle though, while I have never thought of it this way before, has never disappointed me. They have been exactly the suction and pleasure and needles that I have needed throughout the day, on any day. In school, I would dull the sound of footsteps with their music, I hardly experienced school, really. I hardly experienced much outside of my music. I could hardly feel (though that was in part due to mediation). APC dusted a lot of the noise off of me and so when I collapse onto the ground from the volume of it's power, I do so satisfyingly.

I say all the time that music pushes me to levels of emotion and sensory overload that nothing else can give me. Even while I was madly strewn over a person, it was the surrounding music that influenced any touch of mania I experienced. In silence, I would have probably been fine, likely laughed at myself. In all of the music that has been weighed on me, A Perfect Circle was my first. I imagine that though I still feel deeply for all of the good music I listen to, nothing will hit me as hard as APC did and does. And more than that, nothing will drag me in any direction the way that Keenan's whispering will drag me.

This music comes to me is visions, in waves of reflex and pointed abuse. I have been attacked by their albums. They have never loved me the way that Florence can, they have never had me dance like Beirut, but fuck have they made me come to terms with myself. They have canceled the self suffering, they have forced me to witness myself and while keeping me from the influence of the despicable outer world, allowed me to see what no one else was seeing: self-serving glory.

Though lesser recently, I still rely on his voice, the stringing of music behind it, the bass and drums in one track followed by whispers of hollow and strung instruments. The patience they have for me teaches me patience. And after softening the beating it comes around for another stroke, scaring me, tearing everything that needs to be opened, open. There has never been a need to heal, however. There are never wounds. These things, like books, should stay open, widely, so that one may not forget what exists there. I imagine that closure would finally kill me.

But with them, staying free this way, I'm just fine, you know?

Just fine,

`Grey.

Up and Down

2010-12-01T02:06:00.004-05:00

My theme for this year's play list is well.. drugs. Sort of. I've never experience a high or low of drug usage in my life, so I can't really attest for my own verity, but what I've done this year is created a suggested listening to be used in replaces of whatever it is that takes people up and down.

It began through a conversation with a friend of mine about the way that music has become my mental influence. I become intoxicated with the music I listen to and it can change my mood nearly instantly. I was discussing with them about the way that music can literally overwhelm my brain and cause me to act differently. The amount of times I've been asked if I were on drugs at shows and raves is pretty hilarious considering my only drugs are caffeine and alcohol. I spend a lot of time listening to music though, and so I know that there are highs and lows in music that sweep me away. Par example, my experience with Florence and the Machine's "Blinding" sent me reeling down the street through red lights and crashing into trees and confused as to how I got back home. It took me 24 hours to piece the whole night back together. (This was post Florence and the Machine entry)

In any case, music is my whole personality sometimes, and other times it's an influence away from what is casually me. I'm taken by.. Anyway. I can talk about this forever and unless you've allowed music to have its way with you, understanding is pretty laughable. I have a varied vocabulary, but nothing bold enough to express what happens. I'll learn some other languages and get back to you.

These are the lists for both Up and Down. I'm really glad I made them for almost entirely selfish reasons.

UP.
1. The Pretty Reckless - My Medicine. 2. Stone Temple Pilots - Big Bang Baby. 3. Brian Eno - Needle in a Camel's Eye. 4. Local Natives - Airplanes. 5. Beirut Mount Wroclai (Idle Days). 6. Florence and the Machine - Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up). 7. Local Natives - Sun Hands. 8. Nirvana - In Bloom. 9. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts - Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah). 10. Florence and the Machine - Drumming Song. 11. Iggy Pop and The Stooges - I Wanna Be Your Dog. 12. Radiohead - Electioneering. 13. The Pretty Reckless - Factory Girl. 14. Bush - Everything Zen. 15. Sublime - Santeria. 16. Beirut - Postcards From Italy. 17. Florence and the Machine - Cosmic Love. 18. Beirut - The White Whale.

Songs/Artists that didn't make the cut:
Black Sabbath - Paranoid, Electric Funeral
Bush - Adrenaline
The Clash - Various
Die Mannequin - All of 'Fino + Bleed'
Finger Eleven - Various
Florence and the Machine - I'm Not Calling You A Liar, Kiss With A Fist, Between Two Lungs
Hole - Celebrity Skin (still considering, actually. Right in between 9 and 10)
Joan Jett and the Blackhearts- Androgynous, Activity Girl
Nirvana - Beeswax, Breed
No Doubt- Various (Incl. Rock Steady, and nearly everything on Tragic Kingdom was considered. I tried so hard.)
Pearl Jam - Alive
Pixies - Cactus
Radiohead - Various
Sex Pistols - Various
Smashing Pumpkins - Various
Weezer - Various
... And others. This one had too many options. I found myself pretty distraught at times especially about not having any No Doubt on there. The vibe was just way too different though.

DOWN.
1. Air- Playground Love. 2. Radiohead - Karma Police. 3. Radiohead - Lucky. 4. Portishead - Pedestal. 4. Radiohead - Exit Music (For a Film). 6. Air - Cherry Blossom Girl. 7. The Pixies - Where Is My Mind? 8. Radiohead - The Tourist. 9. Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun. 10. Radiohead - Creep. 11. Shudder To Think - Hot Ones. 12. Jefferson Airplane - White Rabbit. 13. Portishead - Glory Box. 14. Smashing Pumpkins - 1979. 15. Radiohead - Let Down. 16. Portishead - Roads. 17. Local Natives - Warning Sign. 18. Neil Young - Don't Let It Bring You Down.

Songs/Artists that didn't make the cut:
A Perfect Circle - Everything. Every track.
Alice in Chains - Would, Rooster
Black Sabbath - War Pigs
Bush - Comedown (Tragically)
Florence and the Machine - Blinding, Howl (Her voice would not mesh)
Incubus - Various
Joan Jett and the Blackhearts - Crimson and Clover (I wept when it wouldn't melt into the other tracks. I am in love with that song)
Local Natives - Cards and Quarters, Cards and Quarters, Sticky Thread, Shape Shifter
Metric - Torture Me
Nine Inch Nails - Various
Nirvana - Half The Man I Used To Be
Pearl Jam - Various
Pink Floyd - Time, Hey You
Pixies - Caribou
Radiohead - Various
Tool - Everything.
The XX - Crystalized
... And again, others. Interestingly, though, while I had far fewer songs in mind for this one, it took me nearly 4 times as long to piece the songs together in order. Granted the order of UP may change, but I really doubt it. The chaos of it reminds the listener of its purpose in a way, where as the streaming uninterrupted, fluidity of DOWN creates a motion from start to finish (I think, anyway) and allows the listener to fall in.

I am so pleased with both, but more so with the intensity I feel when listening to DOWN. It has the songs I've been listening to a lot recently combined with old favourites and placed in the right order. I may have to make another one series of Up and Down based on different artists. If it wasn't obvious Down was heavily based on Radiohead, Portishead and the 70's, while Up was based on Florence, Beirut and the 70's as well. I guess it was all based on the 70's in a way. My decision to add The Pretty Reckless was simply because it reminded me of the Runaways. And so is the same with a lot of the other songs. In any case, I have really been enjoying the sound of the 70's recently so I can't complain.

I'm currently listening to Down and I'm right at the beginning again. All I need now is a book.

Sweet Serene
`Grey

Go Ask Alice and Christmas

2010-11-30T20:05:00.004-05:00

As I convert myself to genius in an attempt to think of decent holiday gifts, I found myself at Value Village poking around different sections to find a gift for each of my friends. With ten friends covered, I'd only spent about 55 dollars and I doubt I'll spend much more. I bought 3 books for 6 dollars all together. Value Village (specifically the one at Lansdowne) is probably one of my favourite places to shop for gifts because it's cheap and effective simultaneously. Next week I'll likely go back to get myself a new coat for winter perhaps and a couple more things for people. I'm trying to figure out exactly what I'll need in terms of gifts, but for the most part I've written it all down.

Differently, every year I come up with a new playlist to give to certain friends. This year I've decided to make two lists, one up and one down. I've only JUST finished the lower one (the mellow one, if that wasn't already clear) and the higher one is sort of in works in the back of my mind. I feel they'll work well together simply because they both have my taste strangling them both. "Down" has a lot of older tunes on it, mellow, quiet, but powerful tracks that either put people to sleep and quietly absorb the world. It includes Local Natives, Portishead, Neil Young, Radiohead, Air and various others. "Up" will likely include Local Natives as well, Florence and the Machine, Beirut and other brighter sounds The change in dynamic has to be separated. I'll post both lists once they're finished.

Otherwise, I've just finished Go Ask Alice by Anon. and it was pretty intriguing. The abrupt end and strong sense of character helped to create a world that was lovely. Unfortunately I feel as though I'm about 4 years ahead of the book, and perhaps I should have read it when I was still in high school. Go Ask Alice is written for the subject's age group: that is, 15-16 year olds. It's unusual, I suppose, but I felt myself outside of it at times, a curious onlooker of a girl's life from the non-crucial exterior. Despite her mention many real things, she only ever justifies a few completely and she only ever explains narrowly. I suppose it's too much to ask of a 15 year old unknowing of her eventual fame to be more descriptive of her life in her diary, but I felt a little less than committed to the verity of the novel anyway and more than that, very far away from her. I liked it anyway, because I understood the story in a way, and certainly the point, but it's brevity and (somehow simultaneous) lack of wit sort of released me from the melancholy of good writing.

I'm probably being over-critical about the whole ordeal, but it was written so long ago and these realities are more prevalent in my world. I sort of laughed at her sometimes, the way that people do now. This desensitization is ridiculous, when you think about it, but so it is. So it goes.

And so we go,

`Grey

Beirut; I don't even know what that means.

2010-11-26T00:52:00.005-05:00

I looked it up.
It's the capital of Lebanon.

In any case, this case presents us with a new meaning. Instead of a place, we put an idea. Something nearly tangible except only in the way of words. Beirut is a band. And as good bands do, they have captivated me.

They have this sound that is otherworldly, perhaps due to inspirations beyond the borders of west-atlantic and east-pacific oceans. Now I'm really behind on talking about this, and as it were, I'm really behind on talking about most every band I listen to considering the youth of this blog and my lack of focus up until about a few months ago. Though they still tour, their fame began in 2006 with the release of their first album, Gulag Orkestar, with which I have fallen madly in love.

Their sound which suggests that there must be romani sleeping in their basements waiting for recording time, is actually (apparently) mostly thought up by a 19-year-old wonder kid from Albuquerque. Go figure. The genius blends of horns, violins, ukuleles, accordion, mandolins, glockenspiels and other varied instruments and the noted absence of any guitars creates a sound so beautifully foreign that it literally surprised me. Zach Condon's voice is a deep and stressed and volatile mix of breath and puncture, grabbing and releasing notes seemingly as they come to him. At times, I must wonder if his sound is as surprising to him as it is to others. More than that though, I have to wonder where all of this is coming from. How does he do it? From where is this beauty in tone and idea and strength coming from. He, along with great assistance of course, has managed to create a sense of floating and dancing and fires and stars. All I want is to do dance in the dark (with Bjork perhaps?) and join the quiet groups in far places doing loud things that no one can hear.

The first song I heard, the second on the album called The White Whale, while watching a video of Rachel Brice (I'll write about her separate remarkable genius later). Upon hearing it, I had been captivated, though it took me a little while to figure out the song (you know, before people began posting the title so avidly). I can't recall the time when I heard the song, but it must have been the beginning of this year or the end of the last? Not that it matters.

Gulag Orkestar is the only album I've heard from them so far but it's painfully inspiring. I've heard a few songs from their second album including Elephant Gun which is really good as well. They've been my fix for about four days now and I've not yet discovered all the songs in the first album to my standard, but I have heard enough of the album to understand it's apparent glory. It simply sends me to a different time and space which few albums can accomplish for their entirety. For the whole album I'm set across the world. I want to travel. I want to do real things and be a real person outside of the realm of procedure.

Perfect and moderate and casual and captivating. I am so in love.

`Grey

Me, 10 Months. Moi dix Mois

2010-11-08T18:35:00.004-05:00

Music is my inspiration, we know that. And this band has probably inspired me to be a lady more than any other, and meanwhile, it also inspires me to conquer the world, change it, grip it in my palm and crush it.

The embodiment of this one band, is secondary to the band that overwhelms me and of course, it must have come from Japan. Visual Kei, but moreso a mastermind of goth rock. If I could express my love of this band and that which came before it, I think it would take me an entire lifetime, so I'll briefly describe its wonders and let you off with some of my favourite songs.

Moi dix Mois became a part of my life upon the realization of Malice Mizer. The latter is a band constructed by the same musical director and a disassembled wonder of the world. Today I'll talk about the former, for they are still around and still perfect.

I've been listening to them for about six years now and every time I pluck them out of my ipod, I am still overwhelmed with their evolved ideas. Moi dix Mois has a sound different than the wealth of bands in my circle of favourites. Though it could be argued that my favourites are dissimilar in themselves, this Japanese goth rock ensemble uses Baroque form that inspires and chilling voices to damn to you listen. Their sound has a haunting essence that dares me to walk 'round in gowns with hair more dramatic than it is already. Actually, it could be argued that this is the band that got me penciling my brows in and cluttering my wardrobe with black. Currently though, my wardrobe is at some strange standstill at the moment, but Moi dix Mois is a painful reminder of how plain I've become. Thank goodness for that.

In any case, Mana is a genius. He is the mastermind behind this band and my favourite Japanese band, Malice Mizer. He's on indefinite hiatus from Malice Mizer, but I can't say I mind terribly since he is still producing these great works. The band's name was actually his creation, based on the french moi, or me, and dix mois or ten months. The idea is representative of himself and the 10 month growth as a fetus in the womb. His favourite number, 10, represents 1, as the beginning or birth and 0 as unending or infinity.It would be nice is bands these days though their names out so ridiculously. One of my favourites at the moment is Deflower from their album Beyond the Gate. I practically cried upon first hearing it. The song has a majestic feel which is precisely the sort of "conquer the world" feeling that I described earlier. Their song Last Temptation has a more subtle way of denoting those feelings. It quietly strings the highest level of performance likely to be respected by the great composers themselves.

Give a listen if you will, I'm still trying to coax them to visit nearby so that I might see them. And also anticipate a longer post on my favourite Japanese band, Malice Mizer, in the too near future.

`Grey

Endure the night for the promise of excellent music: Local Natives

2010-10-31T02:04:00.010-04:00

After one of the longest nights of my life, I go on to possibly the longest day. With work tomorrow (today, technically) at noon, I should really be sleeping already, but I needed to discuss something magnificent before sleeping, to feel creatively justified. Yesterday's party was hilariously amusing, but all the alcohol put me in a weird state. I could hardly sleep and after napping for an hour at my friends place I decided to lay awake before breaking out to her living room for musical meditation. A Perfect Circle does me well in that regard, but I can't discuss them now, they need a later, longer, more urgent post. This passive tone is meant for Local Natives only.

I make so many friends based on the music I listen to. As a matter of fact, probably 90% of my relationships with people either began or continued because of music in some way. So in 12th grade writer's craft, I made a friend because of this band that, quite frankly, blurred the ending of high school very nicely. The Local Natives is a band from LA that sounds like... nothing. I'm not going to confuse this by relating them to someone else, they are themselves.

In any case, I began listening around early March of this year and they still give me the same weight and definition as when I first plugged in. They have choruses of harmony spent on drums and air and wild sounds encompassed in mellow vibes and cultured quietness. The percussion movements are eloquent and somehow simple as well. I suppose those two go hand in hand. Like tribal vibrations, repetition of simplistic elements creates a wave of hypnotism.

They've got me. They're LP, Gorilla Manor is power hungry subtle paraphernalia. I first started listening with the second track on the album from a youtube video that was posted. Airplanes punched me in the chest pretty forcefully. I always know good music from excellence because by the end of excellent music, I usually end up laying on the floor, mood varying. The entire album is story-telling beauty with intelligent lyrics and understandable melodies which, at times, actually reminds me of reggae combined with rockabilly?

Local Natives is a band pushing hard. On October 19th, I believe, they were just down the street and I somehow missed the entire ordeal. That friend and I are holding out until their next show in Toronto so that we can go indulge in a live form. I think it's necessary for me to see them very soon, I still cannot fathom that I missed that concert in the first place, but so it goes, I guess. But anyway, with songs like Shape Shifter, I have become worn out and addicted to their sound. They have a cover on the album of Talking Heads' Warning Sign and good God.

Good God. It is a derailed version of the old tune that stays true enough to the original that it is recognizable, but it is truly a new song upon itself. The reverse use of the bass and drums in their rendition and general musical overturn of the music is a commendable play of the original, despite their serious contrast. Insert harmony and warm waves of sound in space of the airy quirkiness of the TH version.

I spend a lot of time listening to the music I love and this band is truly up there for me. They have such strength in their sound and such familiar variety that the entire album plays like a movie, one song turning into the next with perfect form.

My music is no different from yours except in the way that we listen.
Listen.

`Grey.

Genre Study: The Musical Teenage Pissant

2010-08-22T23:39:00.005-04:00

Confused teens doing things they never do to prove something.
One of the many things I hate about pretentious teens is their misdirected stupidity. I mean, their logic. They've got a lot of it too. A teenager will readily decide that their parents hate them because "they forgot to clean their room and got yelled at". Correct me if I'm wrong, but a definition of a parent without rules is a fool. I haven't ever been friends with my mother and I won't ever be friends with my mother. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just there's a boundary of respect between a mother and child that needs to be held true forever.

That isn't what this is about though, this is about the end of teenage logic. Teenage stupidity. Whichever.

This is about music. And the strange "eclectic" or otherwise "so-called musically inclined" teen's representative of such. It's unfortunate because it always goes one of two ways.

Type 1: The Eclectic Music Listener.
The opinion of the teen in question is that music is indie or music is bad. Meanwhile, they have had every pop artist as their "favourite artist" until they become so. At which point they decide to be quiet junkies until the fame of their old favourite fades out and dissipates. These are the ones who are set on their right to criticize despite not having any clue as to what it is you're even talking about. It's interesting how quickly they run from artist to artist with no real concept of what they like an don't like, and then offer criticism for your taste as though The Millionaires ever had any true bearing against The Deftones. Kill me.

Type 2: The Desensitized, "Musically Inclined" Listener.
This is worse than the first for the simple reason that this teen claims to have some sort of music appreciation. They are quiet and juvenile, more than the rest and depend on their knowledge of keys, clefs and pitch to make up for their lack of real music understanding. Before they have true opportunity to allow music to wash over them, they judge it based on preface and popularity. While they have a similar issue to the first case, these are the junkies who discern you with their so-called intellect while under the impression that their genre--which is only ever music that predates 1900 (of any genre) or jazz, with slight (or irresponsibly dramatic) notes of appreciation for either The Andrews Sisters or Dean Martin--is somehow degrees better than anything else on earth and they therefore should ignore or criticize without bound the rest of the music that comes across their ears. The irony in this is that 99% of these types hardly have any knowledge of music at all, because when I go on about the strange inter-workings of harmony, they tilt their heads and change the subject. Awesome.

And I understand, you love the music you love. I love the music I love as well. I also understand distaste for something ugly you've heard; however discounting entire genres of music based on one of two or even twelve examples is not only annoying, it's a demonstration of your own carouse grossness and you should probably hold your breath for a while for all the oxygen you've wasted arguing with someone who has actual taste.

I don't discredit the value in old music. As a matter of fact, I technically know more about the music that predates 1900 than most people, hence my fascination with Type 2 and the notably longer paragraph. After 7 years of music study, it seriously takes a lot for someone to confuse me with their music knowledge. I don't know everything, certainly not, but I know enough to understand any new concept that's being taught. More than anything, don't antagonize me by arguing with me over something so vapid as a comparison between Beethoven and Britney Spears. We know who the more qualified artist is, but Britney is terribly entertaining and fun to dance to so she belongs on my ipod just as much as the former.

I suppose in the end this is a warning. If you fall into any of the two categories, do not strike up a discussion with me with the intent of arguing about my delicious taste in music. I know good music from noise and I choose to accept both as they are and obviously absorb excellence when I hear it.

It isn't that hard.

` Grey.

And this and that and this and that and on and on and on.

2010-08-17T22:09:00.005-04:00

For a couple of weeks, I've been waiting for my passion and desire for music to sort of resurge in the form of some newer music to finally understand and indulge in. A friend of mine kept urging me to really listen to the album that Florence + the Machine had released. I'd been listening of few of these amazing songs for months now, but getting the album simply did not happen until yesterday. This red-headed woman is an inspiration. She makes music that creates a strange sensory overload. I can feel the whole world with her, I suddenly know exactly where I'm going.

Everything about her inspires me. She has a voice that has this earthy depth that somehow creates this celestial tension in one song and then a the weigh of a dragon with the next. The series of songs in the album breaks me down and begs my spirit to answer. Listening to her is an awakening, it reminds me of my own spirit because her world sends her spirit through it. There's something above all else in her work, there's something so rooted and passionate about her songs. Clever and interesting, she is more than most artists I've heard. She makes me ignore the world, she allows me to forget all the nonsense, the way that music is supposed to. I forget about my phone, I forget about social networking, I forget about all the needless arguments and problems. The music stops me from moving and simultaneously pushes me forward, driving me into my own future at a pace that is better. So much better.

I'm in awe at her talent, and it just reminds me of why so many artists these days bore me so quickly. She has a power behind her that is stronger than mere noise and production. She takes the world to better places.

When I'd finally decided to get the album on my ipod was upon falling madly under the spell of her song Cosmic Love, which put me in a state of spiritual glory. I can't understand how music does this to me, but I recognize my connection with it and I do take it seriously. Music generally takes me over when it's right, but this music is especially spiritual. Cosmic Love in particular is a journey, a reminder of the person I am, the person I'll never cease to be. It's no wonder the album is the perfect novel, set perfectly in itself, on its own without interference of pollution or nonsense. No good artist goes unnoticed forever. Work like this is powerful, and I'm convinced that all of the music I need with find me before I start looking.

In perfect time, I'm able to fall into my own and be at peace.
In perfect time, Florence + the Machine.

"I want my music to sound like throwing yourself out of a tree, or off a tall building, or as if you’re being sucked down into the ocean and you can’t breathe," says Florence Welsh, and so it does. If you haven't, read about her. If you haven't, get to know her music. If you haven't, discover her, because doing so is impeccably, inexcusably, imperfectly, diametrically disproportionally unabridged and unaffected. It is deadly and passionate and fiery and lively and a destruction of what you knew as faith in a spiritual connection with what you write and listen to. This music was bound to happen because it's necessary.

Rounds and rounds of quiet and loud make this raw piece of debauchery something distinctly correct. She's incredible.

`Grey

I'll make you a believer.

2010-07-15T17:37:00.001-04:00

It's seems we've come upon the the land of the reflecting god. Do you know what we should do while we're here?
We should sing about being the nobodies and then drive down the long road out of hell. At least then we can get our guns happily and feel like mister superstar when we notice the beautiful people from far away. Oh who am I kidding! It's impossible! it's mobscene! This is the new shit, it's the golden age of grotesque. We owe it to the world. We must be their personal jesuses. And I mean, if we're going to be putting holes in happiness, I'd rather be labeled as the woman that you fear than much else. I've even figured out code names! You can be coma black and I'll be coma white. For confusion. We'll even get dope hats and heart-shaped glasses to wear while we're on missions. We could be a part of the dope show! They'd sing the fight song just for us! We need to give these everlasting cocksuckers a run for their money, let them learn the speed of pain. I guess I should have sympathy for the parents, but you know how it is. Once I put a spell on you I can't care anymore.
Look, all I'm saying is I'd rather be the better of two evils. I don't want to hit another brick in the wall, only to be coated in scabs, guns and peanut butter. Worst case scenario, we'll end up in someone's lunchbox. Better food than disposable teens.

Anyway, I'm off to bed, so I hope you're having sweet dreams ♥

Tainted love,
Grey.

The sun and the moon: Music

2010-07-14T14:43:00.007-04:00

I know I should probably avoid saying "it's been ages" but I guess it has. With three blogs/journals going at once, it's easy to allow one to slip your mind, but alas life goes on.

In recent news, I've been listening to Pour Me Out by He is We and I'm really addicted to it. Something about Rachel Taylor's voice is so soothing. I really want to do a duet to this one, I've already worked out harmonies. I've also been listening to Tell Me by Good Old War . It's really one of those 'sit and listen' songs. Actually, both of these bands are 'sit and listen' bands.

I'd argue that one of my favourite hobbies is just sitting and listening to music, getting lost in sound. Sometimes I forget I'm a musician. I suppose I have a tendency to deem myself unworthy of the title, but I've been playing music for over 7 years. That must give me some sort of weight. In any case, I find taking the time to really absorb music to be the most satisfying thing. It's amazing the way that a song can change a person. The turn around from that is how much time I waste looking up new or different music. Tough.

A few days ago, I reacquainted myself with Portishead and I'll tell you, they have a sound that stings worse than most bands. Something about that mellow edge coaxes me to relaxation and allows me just be pleased with nothing. I love that. I love A Perfect Circle for the same reason.

It occurs to me that bravery in music isn't Lady Gaga or padded shoulders. It isn't in attire or circumstance. Bravery in music is having something to say and having the means to do it and then actually saying it, even when it's 'too deep' for this world to handle. Bravery in music is laying it on the line because you have something interesting to say. Bravery in music is extending to the limits of your talent, and until you're there. You're just another image-based artist with nothing to say. Rough.

` Grey

Accepted.

2010-04-02T13:26:00.004-04:00

I keep making these promises to post and I never live up to them, but it doesn't matter much now. I'll have more to write about in the coming days especially since I GOT INTO UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO FOR CLASSICS.

I'm so excited. For anyone who knows me, there is an understanding about my love for Toronto. I feel at home when I'm there. It is definitely my kind of city and I just love to be there. I can't explain right now, but it's spring, and all is right with the world.

I'm so happy.

The world catches up.

2010-02-21T20:03:00.003-05:00

So I'm really exited recently because I've been so very busy! I haven't posted in over a month, but I'm really trying to change that so bear with me.

First, my exams went well. A 90% on my English exam really made me a happy one. My other exams weren't so great, but so it goes, I guess. Otherwise, this new semester is going well. I've been so busy since February started, which is why I haven't really posted. I've been doing a good job of living up to my new year's resolution to make the effort and leave it all alone. I can't remember if I explained this in my last post, but what it means is that I'll make the effort to go places and do things in general, but also remember not to be disappointed if I can't go, or if things don't turn out perfectly.

I've been trying to make that effort with my school work, but it hasn't been the easiest. It's a bit overwhelming already, which frustrates me, but I believe I'll be going to the library after school on Tuesday to get some work done on my essay and my seminar. They're both due the final week before March break though, which I'm really pleased about because it means I won't have much work to do during that time! For now, I'm really trying to get both things done the weekend before they're due so that I can be comfortable with both of them. I'm still working on my thesis for my essay, but I think that after going to the library on Tuesday, I'll be able to define a strong thesis to work toward.

Beyond school, I've been getting quite a few hair orders since my last post! I've had a few since then and I have one tomorrow and another on Friday. There are also two more in process which I hope to finish by March break so that I can have some money by then. I'm really excited because I finally made a group for my hair business. I hope all this activity keeps up for a while because it'd be really nice to be able to pay for the bulk of my Anime North costs through hair orders. I already know that I'll be able to pay for MTAC with the money I earn doing hair and I'm hoping this streak can continue toward ANorth.

Still, with the hair orders I've been receiving, I recognize that I still need a job in order to survive. I want to move to Toronto in the fall for school and I seriously need to save some money before then so that I'll be able to support myself for the first bit while I find a good job.

I'm staying positive and I believe I'll find a job really soon for sure! By March break, I bet.

For now, I'm just going to continue working hard.
Lady VG, fighting!

Year of Fashion

2010-01-10T21:10:00.003-05:00

I've decided that this year will be one in which I rededicate myself to personal fashion. At teh beginning of last year, I was still riding the fashion train on a high, but toward the end, I sort of fell off. I started slacking, wearing boring clothing and to boot, I took out my dreads as an act of spontaneity. And I like my hair, I really do, but I think it would be better served with some dreads to back it up. My goal is to redo my hair before semester two, just like it was before. I'll make all the dreads during exam time and I'll have my hair back for the viewing!

For now, here's a picture of my most recent makeup/hair, to give an idea of what it looks like now, and a picture from before.

So here's a picture of how I look now:

And this is a picture of how it looked before:

So it's a pretty big change. I've been doing dread extensions consistently for over two year, only taking them out once for just a week, so having them out is strange! They'll definitely be back in at the end of the month and I'll post a picture of how they look. They'll probably layered.

I did an install today for a friend of mine which means 20 bucks to go toward shopping on Friday. I think I want to buy that powder from Sephora, finally. I get the feeling that it's "about time" to do it. I should make a list of the things I need and see which things I'll get while I'm there. As far as re-dedication to fashion goes, it all started upon the conclusion that I am a consumer. I'd honestly love to be a hippy, but I know that I move with the time without getting too involved in it, I pride myself on my ability to do that. In any case, I can't pull nature from myself, that would be deadly, but I know that it's alright to be a consuming maternal earthly spirit and that those things can easily coincide.

I'm excited for the future still, as I continue to look for a job and really make something out of it. Frankly though, I just can't wait for this semester to be over. That's all I need.

Happy New Year and so on!

2010-01-09T21:06:00.003-05:00

I don't know the exact time of the last time I posted, but I'm guessing it was early to mid December considering what it said ( I didn't look at the date and I'm far too lazy to accomplish that task at this point).

Alright, so Christmas was great! I received new Doc Marten's from my mum as well as soap, underwear, pants and an ipod dock! There was an amazing vibe, I found, for the entire Christmas and New Years season. I spent New years with some friends, playing video games and just hanging out. When I finally got back to school, I realized my new year's resolution: make the effort and leave it all alone. People ask, so if you don't understand, that means that my goal is to make the effort to do what I want to do and do what needs to get done and should whatever plans I have not work out, I'm not going to get upset about it. I found I was disappointed far too much in 2009 and I think the reasons for that are these two: I didn't make the effort, and I wouldn't leave things be when they didn't work out, hence the resolution. It seems to be going well. I've caught myself doing already in the past week and it's a good resolution to have!

This week went really well, though this weekend brings tons of homework. I need to do a quick assignment for music and then I need to read a book and do notes by Wednesday. It's my own fault that they aren't already finished, but I refuse to stress about that. I'll just get it done this weekend and be on with it. Exams are coming up soon, and then a new semester that I'm very excited about. Next semester includes Fashion, Writer's Craft, Music and Classical Civilizations. I'm really hoping and working for a job by second semester and I have a good feeling about it, but I'm not really sure it'll happen. I think it depends on me, so tomorrow I'll be applying at Sobeys near my house. I've already applied at a couple places online, and Monday and Tuesday will find me applying to a few places at the mall as well.

Cosplays and Conventions require money, and therefore, I need money! I'm REALLY excited for Anime North and March Con and have been all week. I couldn't stop talking about it, which made a few people laugh. I may be sharing a room with a few more people as well, but I need to call the hotel first and make certain that my room can hold everyone.

I have high hopes for this year, if it wasn't already obvious, and I'm excited to just get on with it. For now, my goals are to complete my homework and get a job, but after that, I intend to make the most of this year. I have plenty of saving to do so that I can move out for school in September as well, so, erm, wish me luck?

So it would go, basing my future on luck.

Chu~♥

2009-12-05T14:10:00.004-05:00

So my ISU is over. How well it went is anybody's guess, but I know I didn't fail, which is a lot better than it could have been. I'm so pleased, though now I have my English ISU to worry about. I should have my essay written by the end of the week though considering how busy next weekend will be. After that, I have a history presentation on December 18th, yes yes, y'all. The last day before the break. Hopefully we'll have the whole bit finished early.

Tomorrow I'll be handing out resumes FINALLY, everything kept getting screwed up before, but this is my day. I'll be going with Tea. We'll have to go back when the hair store is open so I can do her hair order in time for fan expo. I also need to process another hair order as fast as possible as well as doing my own hair. It's a LOT of work between now and Christmas, but at least I'll be making some money and I can pay people back. I currently owe three people money, so my debts will be paid and I can start working forward. I'm hoping for a job in the mall. We'll see.

As far as DTAC goes, Tea and I will likely be wearing outfits we can dance in. Should be good. It'll be a whole day at DTAC in which we pug in our ipods and dance to some music, y'know how it goes. XD I really will end up being known as the girl who dances at cons.

Ah well. Should be good.

Girls On Top

2009-11-27T17:04:00.003-05:00

So things have been slowly rising recently. My ISU seems to be coming together, and I cut it off so that I could play it a lot better. It's on Tuesday, which means it'll be the end of that. After which, I will attempt to get all my masteries done by Christmas, thus having nothing to worry about beyond exams for music. There's a test or two, but it isn't likely that we'll get around to that at all. I plan to start studying for the history test that I KNOW is coming because we're climbing closer to the 20th century every day and we're just about at the end of the section in the text. I'm sure that we'll have our test soon and if not, well I'll just refresh for it now and be all set later. I need to bring up my mark big time. My presentation on Victorian Christmases is the last day before the break for holidays, and three weeks left of school means my English essay is approaching it's due date. I'm sure I'll essentially have it written after next weekend considering we have to do sequencing and organization by Monday. I need to read that book by Wednesday, so hopefully I'll get it from the library tomorrow. So many things to do tomorrow though. I have to go to the reference library downtown Toronto and get a new copy of the piano part of my ISU and probably a new copy of my own part while I'm there. Then I have to drop the piano part off at my accompanist's house and then get dropped off at the library while my mum goes to get a facial so I can drop off a book and take out a new one. I was supposed to meet my friend at the mall, but there's no trace of her. [calls again] Hm... [ring] *taptaptap* [ring] ... [ring- ANSWERING MACHINE?]

Anywho. Aside from the dramas and quarrels of high school life, I've also been invited to do like 5 different things today. It's amazing because usually there's nothing to do on a Friday (loner am I. Goodness) I don't get involved in the high school world, so the whole idea of Friday night parties never really happened for me. I went to one in 9th grade, I think, but it was my friend's party and he was in 11th grade at the time, so it was more interesting.

In any case, after this Wednesday, I think all will be well because I don't have to bring my instrument home every day, probably just Fridays to practice my masteries. Homework will start getting done, English work will get back on track and all will be right with the world. Next week will go by quickly, I can feel the world rearing up for a fast one. This week was agonizingly slow, but a lot was accomplished and figured out and it'll all sum itself up toward the middle of next week. The best part? I'm going second on Tuesday, so I'll get it done faster than anything.

I still have to fine tune my costume for DTAC and make Alice's costume. Not exactly sure what that costume will come to, but I'm sure it'll be gallant, haha. I've spent about 7 hours this week practicing and I think another 7 before the performance will put me in good shape. This includes practicing with accompaniment. Everything seems to come back to this music business, doesn't it?

Differently, I still need a job. I was supposed to go out today handing out resumes and I probably still will, but I was supposed to meet up with my friend so she could give me something for my mum and she seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. It's... interesting. All in all, things are looking up. I'll try to keep it this way.

I lied, I guess.

2009-11-17T20:45:00.001-05:00

I suppose lying is bad, but it worked out nicely in this case, because I said I was finished, but I guess that just meant a temporary hiatus until I figured something to write about. Now, though, I have so many things to be excited about, that I don't even know where to begin. I'll start with why I stopped posting, I suppose. I stopped because of a person; which is the worst reason to stop, I realize, but some stupid girl got me down but now she's out of my life and I realize she's a strange one and doesn't actually matter. Therefore, moving onward!

So firstly, I have to write an essay by Thursday, but it's an interesting essay and I'm going to start writing it up tonight, as well as getting some main quotations down on paper so I can count the number of quotations I actually have. I also have my music ISU which is a performance of a piece. It'll be hard, but I think I can do it. After this upcoming weekend, I believe I'll have it up to perfection and then all will be well. I can just start getting it glued to my mind after that. It isn't until Dec. 1st, so I still have a bit of time, but I have to get together with an accompanist, so I'll figure that out.

In brighter news though! I'm very excited for so many things coming up. I'm taking my friend Alice to her first convention. Granted, it's a pretty crappy one, but will build up to the bigger ones. I'm excited for that convention in itself and all the Lolita it will likely entail. Win. Next, is the 40hr Darkrave on new years day. It goes on until January 3rd. I'm seriously hoping I can go for sure, because it would make my life. I keep asking everyone I know who I had a good time at a rave with to show up. Hopefully it'll be worth the money. Better still, it means I get to make a futuristic military costume, which means yay! Plus, the pants will be the same pants I'll be wearing at AN (Jpop), or at least the exact same pattern will be used, which makes it easier.

Boy oh boy. So many things are coming up quickly. I dropped Advanced Functions finally, it's such a sucky fail course, honestly. So many things, but I'm all caught up now, without Advanced Functions, so it shall be grand. Further, I've vowed to get to a size four before Anime North. I'm thinking I should get tehre by about January/February though because I have to get that Villetta costume finished and it is very form fitting and I need it to fit perfectly. Moreover, I have my friend's cosplay to finish as well. He will be Tohdoh. I also have to do my other costumes. They are as follows:

Villetta Nu, Code Geass
Kuhn, .hack//GU
Gothic Gypsy Dance Outfit, my own design

Aside from AN, I have to make:

Futuristic Military Outfit, for Darkrave
Small Military Hat, for DTAC.
Some Lolita Outfit, for Alice, for DTAC.

Aside from costumes, I want to make:

Some HAREM CROPPED PANTS! They are love.
A few vests.
Some weird hanging belts.
One lolita skirt for self.
Plus must assemble outfit for music night.
Plus many other things!

Don't fret though! My camera is working and has memory card, so progress will be noted. I'll never put up those Fan Expo pictures, but at least you'll get good ones. No worries and no frets, I'll be back to update much more often. Especially considering my frantic hunt for a job so that I might accomplish all of these things. Thank heavens the hotel is already booked for Anime North. We're staying from Thursday night until Sunday! And we'll be busy busy busy until then. So many things to do, so many costumes and so many conventions between now and then. I need Gothic Lolita Bible. Winter collections are always SO beautiful. I'm very excited.

Wish me luck!

Cheers to an early end.

2009-10-12T21:17:00.000-04:00

And after thirteen real posts, my fourteenth is a subtle farewell. I suppose I've written enough for this thing and I don't want it the way I wanted it during the summer. It's a little hideaway, I suppose, but here I go disappearing. So it goes.

Livejournal is still running smoothly, but here's to a bittersweet end and flurry of beginnings. Books and skins, sweet pea, books and skins.

Pretty faces lose traces of dignity.

2009-10-09T23:45:00.002-04:00

It's unfortunate, I suppose, that I haven't posted too much. The world has been dull, I suppose, and I haven't hand much to say. Going on about school didn't ever seem interesting to me, so I figure, why post, right? Right.

In recent new though, now that I have some to tell, I've gotten into the habit of doing my makeup every morning. I used to go to school relatively plain faced, but now I have my brows done everyday plus shadow. I bought a cheap palette from a new store in the mall and it's relatively good quality. Nice mini for fun. I'm really getting into it, I guess it's fun for me. I love lipstick, I realize, but that might only be because my lips look best with pigment.

So it goes, I suppose.
So it goes.

School has made me foolish.

2009-09-12T14:36:00.005-04:00

I'm managed the first week of school without a single post, but this too will be a short one. School is just weird now; I feel I'm not existing completely there. Just another wave of individuals becoming a crowd. I have to understand that I still exist and belong somewhere. We'll hope this void feeling will make my marks better and not worse. I spend most of the day in boring classes that I have no interest in. Everything feels so void. I'd love to pretend that I remember everything, but all my classes are agony. With a fair amount of homework to clutter close by (I'll be getting to that immediately following this entry).

Trust me, I haven't forgotten about the fan expo post. I know I need to post pictures from then, but resizing takes a lot of time that in this moment I do not have. I have a lot to do; I simply need to update on something to suggest I'm still active in this journal. I've been writing in my livejournal a lot, rather, I wrote a lot last night. I figure I've written enough for the weekend, but I'm actually hoping to finish homework quickly in order to write some more tonight. We'll see where that gets me.

All in all, school is placid: I can't associated any real emotion with it. I speak with people I have no connection to and intend to have no connection to. All I am in that place is another person and I'm not interested in stepping out of my boundaries yet.

I'll just exist for now, since my options are limited, and go back to being later.

Poison scented wonder woman.

2009-09-06T23:59:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I know I said I'd post about fan expo in this entry, but I haven't uploaded the pictures yet. This is about the Harajuku Lovers Contest that my friend Keel is hosting.

Go visit now! And join >]

World in minutes.

2009-09-02T04:23:00.003-04:00

Babies are so weird looking...

So fan expo was this past weekend and it was interesting. My first time going, but I'll sing on about that in my next post. This one is about my oh so wonderful friends. This summer has been about exactly that. I'm getting down to the roots of who exists in my world and who does not. It's interesting to realize that the people who matter will want to matter. Does that make sense to anyone? No one who appreciates you will be happy being forgotten. 'Don't bother with those who will not bother with you,' that what I always say. It's interesting though, some people mean things to some people and others not at all. This past weekend was a great time. I have to say once again, I love the friends I've kept. It's sad to see some of my friends growing away from me. It really is. I know the friends that I'll keep, even when they aren't so close anymore. I've noticed the ones who understand and don't understand. I've noticed the ones who don't really get where I am right now. Trivialities are trivialities.

No one seems to get that shit happens and let downs occur and disappointments need to be dealt with as such. Getting angry and exchanging bottled hostility does not make for good tea, just bad chi. Good night to all my favourites, hello to new favourites and great jokes and happy material.

That group I hung out with this past weekend; fish, hachi, patch. Fuck, I love you guys. Fantastic is a start but certainly not your limit. The friends that I can stay up talking to are the ones I'll want to keep. You guys stay awake with me and we discuss without trivialities or horrors of what the other might say. We brace ourselves and appreciate each other and fuck, a conversation shouldn't be so far away. Admittedly, I'll work to keep you guys around.

And then mr. husband. This marriage I can handle.

And new friend; Miss Keely. You'll be around, love. You'll be around. One of the few people I can talk on the phone with. One of the few that will have me up this late writing entries.

I'll be playing videogames and hanging out with friends until I die, I think. Even when I become a lady, eventually, I'll have my gaming, my writing, my art, the things I adore and the people I couldn't get rid of if I tried.

How many does that leave me with?
I don't know that it matters. It's pretty cool the people I end up with.

Countdown to something better.

2009-08-27T11:20:00.003-04:00

Many things to do! Remember that list from my last entry? All those things to do with Fan Expo must be done today. Fan Expo is TOMORROW. Goodness. I still have to make a skirt, handle the hair situation, find my way to shoppers drug mart and the dollar store, and somehow still have time to handle all of that business and ready my costume. I'm thinking I'll be a school girl each day, same costume, different hair and makeup. Friday will most likely be Ganguro day, I think. After that it's really up in the air.

Exciting news though! I'm getting a kitty! My friend Alice has kittens to find homes for and I get to have one of them! I'm so stoked. I may hand her off to my sister though. I really wanted a male kitten plus my sister want's one more than I do. She can have her I think. She wants to name her Soleil. She has an obsession with pets and French names, I don't know.. My sister is strange, but it's a great name! I think we'll stick to it. I'm really excited! I haven't had a kitten since I was about 4. That's 13 years. Thirteen lucky years later!

Moving on though, my mum and I are going out today and she says we can pick up all the things we need for the cat. Which means we get to go to a pet store! We'll also stop over at Alice's house to meet her and also that our families can meet. How great is my mum! And she just got home yesterday. What a sport.

While we're out we'll be running errands and then hopefully go get Tea and take her here so we can make our way to Fan Expo each day in tandem. We'll have matching costumes. It'll be grand. I need to handle accessories. Oi. It'll be fun piecing this I hope. Otherwise it might be traumatic. T__T

Anywho! I'm off to get working on that skirt. Finally. As well as making sure hair items are in place and making up a list of items I need. Woo! Hopefully I'll still have time to make pants!

I always do this to myself.

All in a day's work.

2009-08-25T01:04:00.004-04:00

I've spent the day doing productive things, I think. I slept a lot, but I also went for a walk and got hair supplies. The dreads just need curling, but I'm letting them settle a bit in themselves before curling them up. I'll post a picture of the finished product tomorrow, I think. The appointment is at one, so I should be asleep by about 6 at the latest. That sounds so silly to say. Maybe 4, so that I might get up and go for another walk. Or maybe go out for a walk when the sun rises. I'll do that, I think. I'll go for a walk as the sun is rising this morning. I slept late today and not for long so I had another nap and woke around 9. I'm pretty awake, is what I mean, so I'll sleep later on and not for long. Too many things to do. I want to go to Shoppers World tomorrow after I finish doing hair to get some material. I still want to make a pair of low crotch pants so I need material, elastic, and perhaps a button.

I also need to finish this skirt finally and do some cleaning. My mum arrives home on Wednesday in teh evening, so we need to get teh house back up to spotless. Shouldn't be too difficult. I just need to clean my room and do some vacuuming. Perhaps some sweeping and maybe wipe down the stove.

Blue Wind is going well. My tone is blending really nicely with it and I feel really comfortable in the song. I'm now learning Sad to Say, which is also going well, but obviously takes more time considering the Japanese lyrics. I want to get them down right. Keel and I are hoping to get some songs down and start busking in Toronto. Perhaps get sent to Korea? XD

Just found out that JYPEntertainment is holding auditions. Hopefully I'll be able to get my audition in! It would be too cool if I could. I wouldn't know what song to sing though. SMTown is also holding auditions. That's BoA's label. Fuck. If I could, I'd be so in. I think this is something I'll start working toward. This is real; and we all know that I've always wanted to perform, that's obvious. I just never really believed I ever could. Now I feel like something is reachable and I have to get there.

Work starts now.
Learn Korean.
Learn Japanese.
Improve hiphop dancing.
Improve rapping.
Improve vocals.

It isn't far enough to say it's out of reach.

Watch me do it with no hands.

2009-08-24T00:33:00.002-04:00

I'm not exactly posting as often as I'd like to; shame in that. But that's alright. We try. And I have tried; I just couldn't do it. I'll keep up though! Fan Expo is coming up and I must keep up! In any case, I've started making my school girl skirt for FX. Tea and I decided to go with red and match, though I'll be in ganguro and she'll be pretty sailor. It should be cute. She'll be coming over in a few days so we can set some things up and get organized about it.

In further news! I had an interview at Bluenotes outlet and it went well! I'm seriously hoping they hire me. I actually really want to work there. The environment seems so right to me, plus I don't know anyone there. I don't like to work with people I already know. New places with old ideas confuses the brain, I find. I'm happy to separate work from school. The girl was really nice and pretty and we got along pretty well. She was pretty frazzled and adorable. It was fun! >.<

Also also! I've just (as in, just got the text) confirmed my hair appointment for Tuesday which means I get PAID on Tuesday. Life is gooood. I'll have money so I can make those pants I've been dying to make as well as have some money for Fan Expo and pay people back and augh. Oh boy. It'll be good. Haaa.

I'm really excited for fan expo. I'm hoping for some miraculous recovery out of Miss. Keely so that she can be joining Hachi and I on our FX adventure. It would be all the better if she could. I'm also really excited to see sutekigo again and actually hang out with them! They're all so nice! Such sweethearts. It'll be great to just talk with them. And also I have so many signatures to get and that Storm Hawks comic is MINE. I'm getting it in a week. Soooo excited.

Anywho. I have a list of goals and things to do that I must achieve before school starts. So I'm writing them all out (or at least the bits I can actually remember) right here. Go!

1. Finish School Uniform Skirt. That includes hemming the bottom and finishing the waistband and buttons.
2. Purchases white eyeliner. For the ganguro outfit. Necessary.
3. Master Don't Do Sadness/Blue Wind. Almost finished this bit!
4. Dreads must be finished tomorrow. Early on, hopefully, so I'll get up and walk over to the hair store around noon and make them all at once. It's only about 30 dreads, which is a lot less than all my other orders. I can't believe they aren't already done.
5. Buy Material and make pants! I've been dying to make a pair of low crotch pants and this is my week! Or next week of course. But I need finish that dread order first, ha.
6. Assemble some jewellery out of interesting finds in my home. I keep meaning to do this. I want to make some bracelets.
7. Decide on my actual outfits for FX. This is harder than it sounds.

And goodness! That's just what I need to do this week. I also need to practice my saxophone and Hanguel alphabet before school starts. And get all the music I need onto my ipod. I have to get my head into school mode and do some back to school supply hunting. Life is a process of sorts. What else. Hrmmm.

Many many many things. On a brighter note! I helped my friend learn parts to a song yesterday and it actually helped. I was so pleased about that. lol, I also got a twitter account. Totally bogus XD. I can't believe I did. I'm hoping to have a just a few new pieces of clothing before school starts and also a job.

God, Mother Nature, Buddha; I've been good. I think so, anyway. Help me out?

Paramore, G.I.Joe and other time wasters.

2009-08-12T12:44:00.002-04:00

It's been a few days! I've managed to finally see G.I.Joe and enjoyed it thoroughly. I say "finally" but reality says it's only been a few days since it came out. In any case, haha, I watched it yesterday and it was so much more... comedic than I assumed it would be. I have to wonder how they managed to make it so epic at the same time. A lot of really really cool graphics and the characters were awesome. I'm so glad for all of this.

On a more to the moment note on things, I can't get enough of Paramore's new track, Ignorance. It looks like that new record is going to be pretty brilliant. I'm so excited for it as well as their upcoming tour. I'm pretty up to date on them, I guess, XD. I like to keep up with bands that I love. I do my research.

That's all my updating for now, I think. I'm still looking for that job and managing my other blog. I've pretty much been handling exhaustion and illness as I try to make way for my next hair appointment. Must be done before the end of this week!

Storm cures any illness.

2009-08-09T11:31:00.003-04:00

I woke up this morning in the best mood I've found myself in a very long while. It takes being so happy to realize how upset you must have been. I've never had that fear of rain storms; it startled me, but I never wanted them to come to a close. Controlled storms like this, I mean; not natural disasters. Mother nature brings the brightest of beauties to us. One day I'd like to be her.

I awoke and began to read a novel this morning, but was too fascinated by the sounds of the storm to focus on what I was reading. It's unfortunate because it is a great novel; mother nature knows well how to out thunder a Dean Koontz book, though. I am not surprised.

I am pleased actually. Quite pleased.

Late nights and high moons.

2009-08-08T01:27:00.005-04:00

So far this summer has been a strange one, but I can't really be upset about any of it. I've made some unexpected new friends that I'm proud to have and it's been; well, it's been interesting. I tried to change my sleeping habits to normal tonight, but I fell asleep around 8:30 and obviously didn't sleep through the night. I woke up at 11, actually. But I certainly try.

For the past few days, the moon has been bright and white all over. It's incredible, really. I've been writing in my other blog more because of it. Some days I can be quite the dreamer, I've noticed. I think I'll sew tomorrow; I haven't made anything in a really long time so I'm thinking I'll do a few million alterations when I get home from shopping with mum. I'm supposed to go out and do some shopping with her, help her pick out a new swim suit for her trip to Jamaica that's coming up. I'm quite pleased. We'll also be going grocery shopping so I can get all the essentials to start experimenting with food during the week. I forgot how much I love to cook.

Ou! Deja vu! I definitely dreamed this moment.

So I have been speaking with Ms. Keely Valentine and I can't get enough of her track "Help Me Anyway." Sort of a cool vibe that reminds me of my favourite band, A Perfect Circle; it has a weird grunge feel too with a sort of power pop vocal addition. It's so interesting. Makes me think of the Queen of the Damned soundtrack. I have a crazy addiction to that song. No clue why. Have a listen. Keely Valentine We have been talking and that girl is a sweetheart. She'll make her way, I am sure. I'll be keeping you updated on that career!

Today has been a plain day, or should I say yesterday, considering the time. I watched most of Princess Diaries, but never really kept up with it. I decided I wanted to talk to my friend instead, haha. I miss that girl. She called me though and we had a lot of laughs over the phone. Stupid Hamilton so far away. I'll see her in a couple weeks though.

All in all, I'm hoping to find a job really soon and have some money in my pocket. I'd like to be all trained before school starts so I can be settled into the working life as soon as school begins. It'll be a good year. Good good year. I am determined, I think.

Something like that.

To begin with a purpose.

2009-08-05T02:35:00.010-04:00

I figure my best bet is to start off with why I made this blog in the first place. Considering the obvious, it's a place to discuss daily events and ideas. I have another blog for more serious writing ( http://charlottebrown.livejournal.com ). This is to keep myself going on a daily basis to talk about my day and more trivial things than futures and passing eras. You get the drift.

In any case, a first entry of sorts to introduce myself. Most people call me Jo. I have many nicknames, so I suppose you may figure out your own if you'd like. You'll be getting plenty of entries from this one.